Freddy the golden hamster and his animal cohorts, along with a computerized, robotic golden hamster, travel back in time to Assyria, where some of them are captured by crusaders and Freddy gets a taste of undomesticated living.

Freddy is dissatisfied with his monotonous treadmill life at the pet store. He endures countless indignities in order to get himself adopted so he can lead a more civilized life--a life befitting a golden hamster. After encountering a tomcat and two guinea pigs who speak in Shakespearean couplets, Freddy teaches himself to read and write on a computer. He then pens an autobiography about his journey out of captivity and towards self-improvement.